Thinking about and preparing for …..“after you go”… is a very personal thing. It’s a taboo subject in a lot
of families, but I believe that we all should “fight through” the uncomfortable part of this discussion
because it will make the lives of our families so much easier after we pass on.
When my husband passed away 6 years ago, I learned that there are a huge amount of – what I will call
“administrative” tasks. And, a huge number of decisions that need to be made. All of this while you are
deep in a state of grief.
So, what can you do “while you’re here?” I think the level of advance planning does depend on
whether you are married or not. When I was married and my husband passed, I had been part of his life
24/7, so I knew where he kept his credit cards, what bank accounts he had, etc. But if you are single,
and you will be relying on your children or relatives to sort through your life after you pass, I would
suggest that you need to be more organized and more transparent. The greatest gift you can give your
children is the gift of information and organization.
There are three tips I will suggest. Of course, there are many, many more than three things one needs
to do to plan, but here, I thought we would touch on a few common things people have heard of, and
then a few obscure things people probably haven’t thought about.
Tip #One could be called “Document Control!” It is important to put all important documents together
and keep them safe. But may I suggest you go one step further and communicate to your children,
where they all are located, and – if you have them in a safety deposit box – do the kids know with what
bank it is and where the key is?
I’m not an attorney, so please check with a legal professional to see what documents are important and
appropriate for your individual circumstances. The usual documents people execute are your will,
medical directive, financial power of attorney, and trust documents if that’s applicable.
I know I was surprised that there were certain instances when I needed documents I had no idea I
needed – like the title to the vehicle I was trying to sell. So, it’s important to know where things like a
social security card, mortgage paperwork or a home ownership deed, bank account information,
investment accounts, insurance policies, birth and marriage certificates are located.
And, of course, in today’s day and age, a list of passwords are a must. On later model I Phones there is
now a feature called Legacy Contact where you can add someone to your phone who can have access to
the data in your Apple account after your death.
Another suggestion is to create a list of subscriptions – like newspapers, Hulu, Sirius XM, Netflix, the
Illinois Tollway – any recurring monthly charge you have signed up for – and of course, with their
passwords. And another list that would be important are all things that have auto withdrawal from a
bank account or credit card.
Tip #2 is “Write it down!” This is especially relevant when communicating your wishes for an end-of-life
ceremony, service, or celebration. For example, if you have definite ideas on the songs you want sung,
any readings you want included, who you want to speak, or the officiant, the location of the service –
write it down and keep it with your important documents. Each time I’ve tried to tell my kids my wishes,
they scold me and tell me to write it down, because they say they can’t guarantee they would
remember everything!
You can even write your own obituary if you like. And a lot of people choose to write letters or record
videos that are to be given to their loved ones after they pass. Those are wonderful final gifts to give.
Tip #3 is “Talk about stuff!” Talk to your kids in advance about whether they want any of your
possessions. Then share those requests with all your kids so they know who gets what and there’s no
conflict. When my mom passed away, it was just the opposite with my sister. I remember going
through her stuff and the conversation went kind of like “you take it. I don’t want it – you take it. I
don’t want it…..but somebody should keep it…!”
I’ve also copied the list of things I have insured on my homeowner’s insurance and put it with my
important documents. If you have it insured, that usually means those are the most important or
valuable items. For example, my kids may have no idea that what they consider “that ugly painting in
the front hall” is an original oil painting and they should treat it as such. This is also important for
jewelry to let them know what is valuable and what is costume jewelry.
Another smart thing to document if you are widowed or single is a list of a handful of names and contact
information for friends closest to you. That way your children can contact a few close friends and ask
them to reach out to their networks to notify them. And then they don’t have to add that task to their
list of things to do.
Just a few suggestions for a few things to do “while you’re here” to make things easier for those still
here!