Seniors like to reminisce – reminisce about “the olden days.” That is not to say that seniors are stuck in the past. The Baby Boomer generation has witnessed more scientific and technological change over the course of their lives than any generation before them. They have experienced the advent of commercial aviation, spaceflight, computers, the internet, smartphones, and AI. But, with that said, we love our memories of the “good old days.”
I’ve even heard it said that “nostalgia is a privilege. Yearning for your own memories proved you’ve lived a life worth living.” Some of those favorite memories are a kinder, gentler day, when what we can call “old school manners” were more prevalent. I would suggest that most seniors don’t miss the strict etiquette of these actions; they miss the respect and consideration the customs represented. Today I’d like to share 10 old school manners that have all but disappeared.
The first three customs came into being to solve a specific dilemma:
Men walking on the street side of the sidewalk. When streets were dirt and mud and horses were everywhere, it was proper for men to walk on the street side of the sidewalk so when mud was splashed up from the street, it would hit the man and not his companion.
Elbows off the table. Historically, tables were lightweight and unstable, which could tip and spill food if the diners would lean on them.
Removing hat indoors. Before most people owned their own car, and people took public transportation or walked more than we do now, hats were a common accessory when people went outside. In addition to providing warmth, the hats accumulated dust, rain and dirt and so the hygienic thing to do when you came inside was to remove your hat after entering.
Standing when an adult or woman enters the room or during introductions. My parents taught me to stand when an adult enters the room. And to never shake anyone’s hand while seated. I think these are still good practices to follow.
Addressing adults as Mr. or Ms. When I was little, my parents’ best friends were “Aunt So and So” or “Uncle So and So,” even though we weren’t related to them. Addressing an adult as Mr. or Ms. is still a very important sign of respect.
Offering your seat to a woman or elders. This harkens back to when more of us were taking public transportation and seating was limited. Men would offer their seat to a woman and younger people offered their seat to their elders.
Pulling out a chair for a lady in a restaurant. I still love it when the host of a restaurant pulls out my chair after they have led us to our table. Men would also pull out the woman’s chair for them as she was seated.
Writing thank you notes by hand. I am conflicted with this one. I would always have personalized stationery on hand to write hand-written thank you notes but now there is the issue of timing. Nowadays, everything is on a faster timeline and not saying thank you immediately after someone has taken you out to lunch or hosted you in their home seems wrong. A text when you get home or the next day seems more current.
Allowing ladies to go through a doorway first/opening doors for a lady or for your elders. I remember that this was controversial during the 70s during the rise of feminism. “I can open my own door” was heard a lot as women were asserting their equality.
Dressing up for air travel. There are certainly more than a few opinions on this. Dressing up for air travel used to be a much more common practice. When I was growing up, air travel was far less common—it was a rare treat to be able to fly somewhere. Today, though, comfortable clothing seems to be the obvious choice, especially given all the things that can go wrong when traveling – frequent delays and cancellations, tight seating, and increasingly full airplanes. With all of that, it is understandable that comfort has taken priority over dressing up.